This is a continuation of a my battle with part-partum depression I never stayed in a hospital prior to having the twins. The unceasing activity, beeping, lights, nighttime bed checks and recycled air combined with unacknowledged postpartum depression resulted in no sleep. Having someone else to cook and watch the babies did not balance the … More Love That Fizzes and Pops Like Soda
I knew something was wrong the minute the twins were born. My babies were fine, perfect even. Two red, squalling bundles in need of my love. It was me. I was the problem. Twenty-nine years of neglect, trauma and complete identity invasion by my father, which had been avoided and denied until now, broke through, … More The Shoulds
Anxiety disorder has a lot in common with addiction. Never having been an addict, but being related to one, this statement is subjective and possibly incorrect. That said, here’s why I think the two are linked: 1) Like addiction, anxiety can be difficult to control. The temptation is to think it can be overcome, if … More Similarities Between Addiction and Anxiety
Sometimes, this blog feels like a confessional, a place where I can pour out my heart and that leaves me feeling lighter when I am done. This is such an instance. We are home, exhausted and sad. Our trip there, through lake effect areas, was surprisingly easy. As we got closer to Malone, late afternoon … More Goodbye, My Van Ran Over My Leg
Mother, a word that always is in the forefront of my mind. Usually, I am thinking about myself as a mother: critiquing recent interactions with my children, always finding things I could have done better, slapping my forehead at things I wished I hadn’t said or done or recognizing moments I could have been softer, … More Mother
I was reading a post from Cat which referenced blogformentalhealth.com. Curious, I clicked on the link. It’s a blogroll which enables posts about mental health to be more widely shared. Recalling a side line moment at my daughter’s soccer practice (last night) in which I felt different from the other mothers because of my depression, … More Sidelines
My grandmother, the brave, tough person facing terminal lung cancer, celebrates her 95th birthday tomorrow. I am not one to promote age. As an almost middle-aged person, I hide my own age beneath hair dye and the pithy saying that each year, I celebrate my 28th anniversary. But, on this occasion, I want to shout … More Too Much Thinking
All my life, it seems like I’ve been waiting. My dad loved to make me wait, or rather he was so focused on himself, he was oblivious to what I was doing. This sounds harsh and judgmental, like I’m still angry at him, and maybe I am, but it is also true. Late at night, … More Waiting…
For me, depression was status quo, meaning it was my normal. I always doubted myself at gatherings, thinking nothing I said would be of interest because everyone was more accomplished, more intelligent, more attractive, etc. It was only when I got a boost from another, usually my husband, that I came out of my shell. … More What Depression Taught Me
For the last week or so, my happiness was replaced by a constant feeling of moroseness. The event that sparked this mood change occurred last Saturday. Some family members and I got together and had a reading by a medium, the kind that channels dead people. Sitting at the end of a crushed velvet extra … More The Need to Cry and Forgive
Breaking the Cycle 716 